Thursday, 28 April 2016

The Cream E.P - Released on Soundcloud via Rocawave

Hi guys here's The Neo-Kalashnikovs latest offering 'the Cream E.P' recorded late last year in 2015. I hope you enjoy listening to the record and take away something from the piece of art we made because we really enjoyed making it for ya ;) Rock On The Neos

Released April 22, 2016 on Rocawave Records

Recorded by Olly Harmer at The Lab

and Moss Bioletti at Rocawave studio, Mt Albert.

Mastered by Chris Graham in Columbus, Ohio

Wednesday, 20 April 2016

The Neo-Kalashnikovs "Cream E.P" is OUT NOW!!! :)


A giant thank you to everyone involved who helped us make this record and to all our fans and supporters super stoked :) enjoy Moss 

Monday, 18 April 2016

endorphins twirling like floral skirts

endorphins twirling like floral skirts
lilac and indigo wild flowers crimson and gold
with spoiled petals floating to the floor

curling inward the plants protect their newest leaves
photosynthesis occurs even whilst they sleep
the bumbling honey bee takes joy in fertilising a flowers every need
turning pollen into sinful manuka honey
only to have the fruits of his labours snatched from his jaws
stolen from the hive and his stunningly eloquent queen

the livestock ramble in naive bless frolicking in emerald paddocks
inherited wealth stretches on in endless hectare after hectare
modern workers carry out their feudal forbearers tasks with gusto
not knowing their income is derived from senseless killing and
the poisoning of virgin waterways

the landed gentry sit idle twirling their thumbs as
milk solid prices rise and fall like the romanticists self-esteem
but all is dandy and plain just another hundred acre rural bliss
the fortunate preside over the common folk
in their colloquial gumboots crowned by a leather cowboy hat
their tattered raincoat a shadow lords royal garb

Baudrillard's Thinking Summarised in Prose

regulated, policed controlled mapped
the apocalypse has already happened 
just go with it don’t mourn its to late 
splitting reproductive organs won’t help
still more humans multiply rapidly 
like heroic, holograms, digitising  
select cut copy paste threads of dna entwined 
new technology forsaking old sensations 
neglected dopamine enough to fill a chorus
angelic visceral raptors communicating 
in the hyper real under the rule of a bilingual mutant 

illegal citizens want to reverse engineer history 
without the might of Arnold Schwarzenegger's bulging biceps 
while we down vertigo cocktails induced 
by the sheer scale of human knowledge 
dwarfing whales like an ocean devoid of 

The old world has been ripped open for the last time
like the outdated format of a physical newspaper 
gmo plants melt like a scientific experiment gone wrong 
the new world is tease running late but still on time 
Un-realised by Google waiting for patents pending on future AI brains that can code endlessly without food or sleep
Stuck in the middle like a classic rock song
demand for generic rhetoric booms busts and grows stale 
slimy poetic politicos slowly giving way to mongrel mob rule

The Beehive like the White House 
wants to simplify and solidify your lives 
with propaganda and surreptitious lies 
Please make no attempts to think read or write 
for politics is simply a game like watching
your favourite sports team on your computer screen
accept the players are fat and white 

An american Professor from beyond the grave squeals 
the self is lost 
like a post-modern joke on the human race 

Sunday, 17 April 2016

A Litmus test for a Misanthropist


Is the general hatred, distrust or contempt of the human species or human nature. 

It develops when one is without art and one puts complete trust in somebody thinking they're absolutely true and sound and reliable

Occurs as a potential result of thwarted expectations or even excessively naïve optimism.

I believe the litmus test for a Misanthrope is someone who hates everyone in the world but the person they are in love with.  

Saturday, 16 April 2016

Crawling in a Box Propelled by Circular Legs - catching up with B1 & B2

Caught up with my good friend B1 and B2 earlier in the week. I thought there was a jazz gig happening at Orleans downtown but I got to the bar just to be told it was the day before, I couldn't believe how I could've read the poster wrong, I had specifically borrowed one from a notice wall at uni to make sure when it was, then I resigned to the fact that it was a genuine mistake bhhaaa who likes stupid jazz anywho well except Art Pepper and Coltrane.

I quickly called my friends on route to New Orleans and so we went to plan b a much better call usually every time and always far more entertaining. The guys were still crawling into the City in a metal box propelled by circular legs. So in the meantime I got a murder burger which was actually bloody great. Tourists and rough sleepers flopped around the food court in quiet resignation their excitement turned to exhaustion demanding power naps and the congestion of fast food deep fried and dangerous.

I thought back to Earlier in the week while eating my chips I was troubled by a coconut water drink I had enjoyed in a food court off Shortland st (I had foolishly chosen to eat at struck down with a colossal inner city hunger risking death life and limb to enjoy a good meal) the reason for my pondering was due to my dad telling me how Monkeys in Thailand are collecting coconuts off trees to supply the demand for the plethora of cheap coconut water drinks available in NZ! Whilst I drank the water my mind subconsciously searched for traces of monkey in the liquid the tests proved inconclusive and got transferred to my fried frontal cortex.

After I finished my walking meal ironically from the same restaurant I once picketed for firing and mis-treating their workers I moved out into the mid-autumn night. I footed down the grey scratched  street tiles heading up a flaming hill to High st and waved across the deserted square at my friends 30 metres away blatantly drinking in public near a water fountain spewing out thousands of litres of water. We talked some shit then went to get a drink at the Blue stone room, an old ass place off Queen st, outside the venue littered everywhere like drunk leaches Coporate workers drowned their fractured identities with drink after drink off wine, beer and booze, down the hatch. I ordered a black Monteiths beer, B2 choose one to and the ever smooth B1 got hard liquor on ice most likely a blend.

We had a good yarn about B3's recent trip across the ditch to Melbourne. The geezers were surprised at all the whacked out beggars, bums and junkies on the street, thankfully their hard knock host materialised and made it clear the streetwise are pretty much harmless munters. B3 talked about the amazing amount of legal highs available in Ozzy especially in club bathrooms which they thought might even be not so legal. Well sounded like they had a ripper time just one big drunken blur of debauchery just what the doc ordered. They mentioned the famous street art everywhere and the strong indie music scene with bands and venues going for it even on a Bloody Sunday. I quickly took a piss and we made like the good lord and got the flock out of the bluestone room, note to self find out why they call it that name must be about the stone walls of the building i reckon, but are they earthquake proof.

Wednesday, 13 April 2016

A poem/prose inspired by an evil bartender with eyes darker than a blackhole in Ponsonby



Painted whores with
missing teeth clutching
desperately at their dignity 
and fleeting youth
Impaled desecrated 


If you find yourself

in the unenviable position to be
part of the unread zombie crowd
of this detestable Ponsonby bar beware of
the satanic pantomimes and lack of exuberance
that festers
preserving the great unwashed like a lost frame of 36mm drained of all colour overexposed and cut to pieces 

hipster i feel i must warn you that once
you enter the establishment you should quickly grab hold of the nearest alcoholic at hand
A tick of approval if their a belligerent 

bring them close and engage in mindless folly 
rabbiting on about epic tales of half truths and flamboyant lies dressed up in leather jackets adorned with sequins dreams
and rest easy knowing they are the best company the tragic beautiful lead actress in the radicals play of life and death the lest pretentious diva of the aquatic drinking environment polluted with human toxicity
For Though we may seem drunker than a runover family of skunks homeless in L.A
In reality the well sneakered stronghold of hipsters are dripping in lethal hemlock 

waiting to waterboard our minds into mangled American indoctrination 
be very careful for they know only one thing how to hold a grudge
like iron their hands bleed with exploitation
farce fills their eyes their callous worn hands a remainder of their low existence 

If you do insult them commit to the end
for they are more bitter than the very last drop off granny smith cider freefalling from the lushes mouth into the bottom of the barrel constructed out of envy hatred and discontent

Sunday, 10 April 2016

Dope New Videos from; Shakes - "Tambourine Girls" & Pikachunes "You Are"

Shakes new video 'Tambourine Girls" dropped last week and if I am not mistaken the songs sounding even better with some funny Jack-blasque visuals to go with it. But do I have a stigma in my left eye or does the guy in the video when he rips his t-shirt of and starts dancing/jiggling nah shaking around look a hell of a lot like the star of the School of Rock haha. On a serious note something really strikes me about this video that I feel compelled to write about and pose the serious question, where the hell are the "Tambourine Girls"?? I mean I like the guy playing all the instruments and find him entertaining to watch and his smile is in infectious and heart warming but I would have really liked to see some hot sexy girls undressing instead possible flanking him then pushing around and finally maybe dressing him up like a girl and turning into one of them haha that would have really answered my question. But with a white turtle neck that reminds me of Diana Keaton starring opposite Jack Nicholson in one of my fav films "Something Gotta Give" it's hard not to love this video and I really hope to God there are woman in the next video :)!!!! p.s can't wait to hear Shakes next record that they are currently recording

Fav line: "We could travel just by turning a page"
Fav production aspect: The overall mix! who did it??

The animation for this video fits perfectly with the song i love the dystopian tragedy and darkness swimming through "You Are". In my humble uneducated view I think this is a real return to form from Pikachunes an artist that has had to battle some serious health issues in the recent past. Admittedly I don't know to much music from him except for his really early stuff that I saw on the telly but I definitely know about him and I liked this video enough to surf through Youtube and check out some live performances! He's also friends with my friend Ant who I went to school with and played some mean games of indoor cricket with in intermediate which is cool :). I love the drum machines on "Who Are"and also like the kind of rough mix too which is creative and uncompromising = kickass. If this tune is a taste of things to come I will definitely be dialing into check out the upcoming album on Monday records (Aussie label). I'd also be really interested to know who drew/animated the video it would be real cool if Pika did it himself!!! :)

Fav line:  "You are the most Important thing in the World to me"
Fav production aspect: The Synth tones they make me imagine sitting in some pagan ass church with the artist preaching to a room of evil daleks before the death-star explodes

Friday, 8 April 2016

Swaying like Daisies with Kane Strang in Whammy's Backroom

So I was off topic at uni when I saw that Kane Strang was playing at Whammy bar in the back room. Capacity was set to 100 people so I quickly stopped what I was doing reading some bullshit about Kant's theory of morality and booked two tickets. My French Canadian friend couldn't make the show so I rolled along to the show with my dad who loves music too although a man of the law.

 We actually turned up really early at 8.50 pm, foolishly thinking the show would have run on time, things never do haha I took some photographic images in my mind of the merch table got ticked off the list by the swag Mermaidiens who were also preforming releasing their new record ...
the reminded me off how much I love Wellington the city that stole my younger brother from me but Wellingtonians sure have a great sense of humour  cool accents and a lightness to them. It's probably the wind that makes them the way they are, which is terrible if your a guy with long hair you look like a right idiot fighting your hair so that you can see walking down Cuba st haha!) All the maidens t-shirts looked glistening and beautiful and their vast selection of stickers were creative colourful and trippy.

To burn some time me and the old man went next door to the Winecellar and had a quick drink.
I saw two of the guys in the talented band New Gum Sarm helping behind the bar, and since I am not drinking (makes me sound like a seasoned alcoholic haha please no alcohol in that drink!) being sober does actually have its perks believe it or not NZ as you can usually score free drinks every now and then if the bar staff like you ;) Naturally I played it safe with a Lemon lime and bitters and was very impressed with the scale of the drink that only cost a measly $4 the sprite or whatever it was in it seemed a bit flat though, made me sad for a second then I hooked into it. My dad lived dangerously and scored himself a Fejoa cider that tasted like there'd been some bad fejoas in the brew, there's always one. He couldn't finish his drink so I had a few gulps (I can drink less than one standard drink a day yolo) I actually felt pretty wasted walking up the arcade stairs to see Kane Strang preform, I joked to dad how we swede super sober and then come back to a gig ten minutes later wasted, with people wondering what the hell happened. Dad had a good laugh "three gulps of Cider and I'm wasted

In the newly renovated Whammy (aka one flea bomb later ;) we took a seat at the back of the room and let the edgy dangerous millenials of Auckland fill up the room. The coal black room started to swelter and heave with the people cramming in like sardines, standing room only. Out of my right eye I saw Kane slip through the crowd like a deadly camouflaged snake and head straight to the bar pushing through punters with a decisiveness that conveyed this is a man who knows what he wants. A very good thing as being assertive is a great character trait which I believe is reflected in his floating woozy music that conjures up pictures of flowers swaying in the Dunedin landscape, and yes thats what he wants you to hear! :)

Dressed in a yellow jacket and wearing a shirt with a t-shirt underneath Kane lead his band mates to their places and proceeded into flying death roll of a rendition of "She's So Appealing" with a direct almost grunge aesthetic that felt loose and visceral. The drummers arms rose high and sung across each part of the drum kit like a virtuoso, the lead guitarist loyally played all Kane's melodic lead lines over the rhythm guitar with the bass player looking and playing like a man fresh out of prison with a new lust for life. Kane was the Steve Job's of the band literally playing through all the members like conductor playing an orchestra by simply guiding them with soaring vocals and beautiful glimmers form his much loved electric guitar. The song's of the set blend together from the first song and the happy couple started kissing and all the people in the room morphed into one psychedelic blob of tripping matter bouncing together. Before you knew it the band were preforming their last song "Magnolia King" that really was the cherry on top for a sweet sundae of a show that transcended the crappiness of the world, thank god for Dunedin.

Thursday, 7 April 2016

Drinking at "Scarlett Slims" in Mt Eden with GreenPeace Eco-Sales Warriors

So I was running late this morning after catching up with my friend Sabrina who is French Canadian.
I had missed seeing a jazz gig with her the day before and she had just finished her job at Green peace after working round the whole South Island. To avoid being labelled a Pike (someone that you always invite to things but never manages to attend even one lol) I caught the bus to Mt Eden and caught up with her and her co-workers in the dimly let "Scarlett Slims" were I found the gang of environmental eco-warriors congregated around a small worn table like out of a scene from LOTR.

Everyone had their drinks already so I surveyed the drinks menu with a cunning eye, I flicked through the badly worn pages of bar that at once let me know that this was a drinking bar of serious proportions. After having a serious commercial run as the "Eden Cloakroom" the newly named "Slims" had re-branded to attract I imagine a more hip Millennial crowd, while at the same time maintaining a Baby Boomer likeability. Sadly I am not able to drink alcohol at the moment, doctors orders, its really funny as I feel actually far more inclined to drink which I never had the feeling to do before generally haha. As soon as something is out of reach you find a hidden desire for the thing that before held no appealing at all. I guess that's why Aristotle stated the most pleasant thing in life is getting what one wants!

Anyway to cut a long story short I ordered an orange juice (no ice) and poured myself a water too. I meet some nice new people from different parts of the globe as well as Riley from Levin (NZ) and a younger chap who said his age was Sexteen when asked his age i.e old enough to have sex, his favourite band was Six60 and believed that the vast buck of the Godzone's population were die-hard fans as well, I certainly didn't quiz him on such an assumption being a fan of the band too and in-particular we shared the same favourite song of the first album "Purple" which was cool. I told him a cool fact about Chris Mac (the bassist) had played Paul MacCartney's bass on "So High" the second single off their latest album and he seemed just as impressed as when Mac had told me laughs! he better not have been lying :)

So the night wandered on and the drinks were drained off their last drops of alcohol from Monteiths distillers and the like. We did have a funny talk about French and Sabrina told me the genders of all the items in her language which was funny and surprising, I don't think the average Kiwi male would be impressed with hearing their beloved car is female, but actually on later reflection that makes complete sense as men tend to think of their cars as woman for sure. Beanie's were deemed feminine also. The introductory word used before an object La (feminine) Ler (masculine (probably spelt that wrong!) we discovered had know real way to help identify trans-gender individuals and objects noted by Riley singer out of Switchblade Season so I ingeniously haha demanded that Sabrina change all words that introduced objects in French to be       La-Ler to avoid gender stereotypes and emancipate the language in the name of Egalite. We thought about the idea and how horrified the French would be at the thought of a Kiwi telling them how and why to bastardize their own language.

(Song of the day "Never Kissed  A Blonde) the name of this song has been rebounding in my head, I keep thinking does it count if you kissed a girl who was a brunette before and then you kissed her again when she had dyed her hair Blonde. Does it count if they're not naturally blonde? Kinda of kissed a Blonde! ;)

 In the end instead of legging it to the local grocery store aka steroid powered supermarket Countdown we called it a night the Greenpeacers descending to their hostels for a final night cap as they had to rise early in the morning some needing to meet deadlines to signing up in order to continue saving the world. On a final note their was an affable German from Cologne who didn't like Auckland much, I said maybe it was because we lack culture and history in NZ or history that were willing to acknowledge like the brutal massacre of the indigenous population, he certainly agreed noting the lack of architecture (we knocked down all the beautiful buildings) but we came to the sorry conclusion that was really wrong with Auckland was the price of a beer, in Cologne you can get 750ml bottle of Vodka for 5 euro (hobostyle he said) or a civilized pint of beer at a bar for 3. After busing home i jumped into bed and woke up the next day late but happy!

Wednesday, 6 April 2016

Chilling in a white room with a Bengal Tiger dancing on all four walls - How Morality affects Shopping on High St in Auckland

Chilling in a white room with a Bengal Tiger dancing on all four walls. Introspective wandering thoughts slowly swimming backstroke in my mind. I trooped around the city today an army of one. I was on a quest to find a new bag to fit my basic natural goods in. The first store had cheap Chinese knock off bags for 25 smackers, the next had the same bags with a brand for triple the price. After feeling astounded at the lack of quailty backpacks on offer in the metropolitan I live in I eventually stumbled into an upper crust refitted Barkers on the corner of High st. The store resembled a manicured James Bond film they had two bags the one I liked was 279.00$. No one seemed remotely interested in selling a bag to me although staff were courtesy and kind so I left. I then took a gamble on a Fairtrade store a few shops up the high st populated with fashion stores and dozens of office workers. They had 5 bags the bag I liked made of leather was priced at 279.00$ exactly the same price. I thought back to Barkers and how it was most likely made with slave labour the other I was told was crafted by a fairly paid person in India. The first bag was much nicer, but I bet the conditions it was made in  certainly weren't. It's so strange how Moral issues are even entwined with what we purchase. It's so easy for us to be caught up in our lives and block out how someone who makes something or supplies a service for us is hurting or being exploited a human being with hopes and dreams just like you or me. Well that's what I thought about today!