Monday, 9 September 2013

The Neo-Kalashnikovs Got Critiqued by a Corner full of Babies: The Bullshit Meter Subsequently Exploded

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 ‘Gorgeous Baby’

Helen Flanagan
Great Sounds Great; Bad Sounds Bad is a column which sees a panel of writers for The Corner review a range of local singles and grade them out of 10. Check out the song below, read through their opinions and let us know in the comments section your own thoughts and what you’d like to see reviewed next time around.
[Grade: 5.3]
Alex Lyall: Wow Coronation Street just got sex-ay. There’s no reason why they had to go to that trouble to get Rosie Webster but there she is strutting and smoking. I think that was the mindset behind the song too, they’ll make a song just because y’know. I say this because the entire time nothing memorable happens, same tone, same lyrics. No risk, no depth. The repetition feels less like emphasis and more like a piece of propaganda. ‘All hail the gorgeous baby.’ [3]
Robyn Gallagher: I like this song for its lazy, sexy charms. The song doesn’t have much more to say other than the frequently repeated line “my God you’re gorgeous baby”, but sometimes that’s all that needs to be said. The thick fuzzy guitar and Volita’s bright vocals create plenty of sultry atmosphere. But none of that matters because of the utterly insane (and therefore brilliant) music video. Starring ex-Corrie actress and current UK tabloid hot mess Helen Flanagan, the video sees her pouting around a country house while lip-syncing the song. This is either an utterly genius career move for the Neo-Kalashnikovs or for Ms Flanagan, but not both. [6]
Eden Bradfield: Man! This video has a lot of views! Apparently the girl in the video is famous or something. It’s an okay song that goes on too long- only so many times one can repeat “’re gorgeous baby” unless one was David Lynch and putting it through a voice processor, which could actually be entertaining. Probably a longer song works to their advantage so the 166K people who’ve seen it can see more footage of Helen whatsherface. As a song it’s a bit weak, but it’s a publicity coup d’état. [4]
Luke Jacobs: Ignore the video. It is terrible. I didn’t know who Helen Flanagan was before it and after it I know nothing. So just stay away. The song ain’t bad but damn does it stick around for way too long. There is so much repetition of a single line and idea it could have been 2 minutes long and smoldered for that time and been perfectly good.
I guess whatever charm it had worked because I listened to the rest of the EP and I can say it’s better and this single is a bit weak compared to the rest of the material they have. The production on their other songs is better too, much less emphasis on the vocals and a hotter sound. The rhythm section sizzles in the EP but on this track it kind of sounds muted. There is potential here but right now we are coasting to average town. [5]
Elizabeth Beattie: The song has decent dynamics, the musical simplicity is quite appealing. The vocals are really excellent, well executed and they compliment the instrumental passages well. This song has an early 90s trancey quality to it, reminiscent of the Breeders while still remaining modern at the same time. I do however wish the lyrics were a little more artful and complex - after a few listens I really felt like I wanted there to be more of them. But I like the mood this track creates and think it’s a pretty decent single. [7]
Alex Braae: While I wasn’t particularly impressed by the lack of punch in this recording, I have no doubt this song would be incredible live. Perfectly simple melodically, with a fantastic drum pattern underpinning it, this song should be remade when the band has access to better technology. In a dark room, smoke machine, too crowded with drinks being spilled by a heaving crowd, the hooks of ‘Gorgeous Baby’ would sweep people up like puppets on strings. As it is in the present form though, it’s just potential. Frustratingly, not quite realised potential. [6]
Eamonn Marra: Nice guitar tone. The harmony in the chorus is really good too. The vocals are a bit high in the mix, and the production is a bit slick, but that is just a personal preference thing. I was hoping this would go somewhere, but it didn’t really do anything. It just stagnated with this one idea for a bit too long. It would be nicer if it were half as long. It’s not a bad song, it just lost its appeal by the end of it. [6]
Michael Kerby: Sleep inducing. Which is, I guess, part of the vibe — a sort of fuzzed-up Cowboy Junkies. But, while nice, (and actually a bit of an earworm) it’s missing some crucial item of interest. I have no desire to ever listen to it again, or to return to whatever languid world they just fell short of conjuring up. It’s certainly a catchy bastard, though. [5]
Nick Braae: The individual components of ‘Gorgeous Baby’ are strong. There’s the main groove, with its menacing battle between a straight kick-drum pattern and syncopated guitar and snare riff; there’s the lovely blending of the voices; and there’s the sultry, bluesy melody. But they don’t quite coalesce into a strong song, probably because there is so much repetition of the ideas. It’s a shame really; a little variation in structure and dynamic level, and this would have been a killer track. [6]

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