Friday, 9 October 2015

Sasquatch Party Drinking Budweiser in the Swamps of Auckland City

I had an awesome time at Rose's kick ass flat warming last night. I braved the cold wet rain to see her new digs and the place looks sick!! It's real shabby chic the best style in my opinion real cool old skool run down vibe in the best possible way do you know what I mean?  
At the party there were so many different people from all around the world UK, France, Germany, Venezuela pretty much every country still in the Rugby World Cup except for Palestine and a guy called Ari lying about actually being from overseas, you didn't fool me old chap ha
Let me paint a picture in the middle of the house was a never ending game of alcohol drenched you guessed it beer pong played with utter conviction by all soon to have convictions but this guy dude he was a virtuoso of the table of frat if I can use that word in polite light mannered way in relation to a terribly fun game like beer pong, he destroyed everyone who stepped forth to challenge him he even offered me his cigarette mid-game I politely declined!! His best moment of all the games was when he threw a ping pong ball which accidentally hit the overly large forehead off a girl and it landed in the last cup swirling around on the edge of the cup, it was like a little planet spinning haphazardly on its axis in a very ddrunk fashion before falling from grace and in a final act of Shawskahnk redemption "hi my names Andy Defresne" landing in the cup what utter swag!swag!swag!swag?

I forgot to mention I had to ran up a hill coughing and weezing, no really, to get some beers I thought hmmm why not get some Budweiser to get those old Americana vibes pumping through my veins like a full tank of petroleum gasoline fresh. But later in the night my good/annoying German friend Felix had to insult my beer choice while diagonally somersaulting into the neighbours hedge. He said to me "why are yu drink such vater berr it tastes like cats piss those bloody Americanzz" then he said something about winning the war anyway I didn't take his insults to heart cause for one reason one I stand by my taste in beer, but more importantly "the fifth amendment protects my right and ignorance to bear Budweiser in the swamps Of Auckland City" plus he was drinking someone else's long lost rancid by the looks of it very warm half drunk Tui yucckkk 

In other news I even got angrily accused of being Jesus Jesus Christ Superstar!!! well you know my friends people are really acting rather funny about my hair these days. I know its a lush unparralled piece of glory of which I am, very fortunate and appreciate to have on my head for however long I am blessed with it cue varnished 90's hair infomercial from my childhood but in all seriousness my hair is going away on a very long paid vacation to don't give a f@ck as I'm getting a hair cut very soon as Im sick of being part of the Sasquatch brigade people I want to be free free to be me. Which also reminds me off the utterly brain dead TV show about Hunting Sasquatches Bobo they don't exist go see a therapist, But Yeti's do exist if you count human ones your a shining example Bobo and don't forget in Nu Zelnd we have a whole breed of Sasquatach in society called the bogan occupying a small island off Australia connected to the mainland by a giant bridge made out of wallaby skin.

Argh finally as always my words of wisdom for the day "to much freedom is a truly terrible thing" take it how you want people And to conclude I am so sick of people asking me whether I straighten my hair arghhh For gods sake bruce almighty I don't straighten my hair, neither do i brush my hair unless it's a very formal occasion I do have manners lets not get to crazy. 
Finally finally I promise my true gem of deskilled knowledge given to me by a piper who played along the rough coast of the Taranaki peninsula last Summer you should always try to wait out the unbearable awkwardness at the start of parties were you know absolutely no one chances people are all feeling the same and also if your wingmen are crap and unreliable don't even bother word up peace out! Moss

Ellie Goudling's going strong on her new song "On My Mind" I wonder if this song is about old Calvin Harris?

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