The Hand of God

Only the Brave Look Inside

What are you running from and do you have any real hope
Of out running it 

why not be brave stand tall and slay the murky inner demons that congregate in your foolish thoughts at night 

Haven't you heard the glistening sword of clarity is the greatest gift you can give to oneself 

so weld it high like a double edged long sword and cut down the approaching enemy of negative emotion that persist in your head

In the deep recesses of your mind they are begging to be released set free and laid to rest in a bloody grave 

Once restored set out on a quest of any magnitude for however long it takes you be the judge but make sure to gather up a handful of friends that glisten brighter than rare freshly cut gem stones 

Also be careful not to drink to much in the depths of your sorrows only partake of rich wine to heighten your natural inclination toward ecstasy 

Have no fear when travelling over distant lands were danger often lurches hidden in the garb of poverty 

Laugh at the blandness of existence while cherishing the exotic vision of nature 

But always remember the only place that truly matters is inside you

My heart will shatter like stained glass flung from the heights of heavens window

A Poem for my Mother - 'Drunk with Grief"

Gasping for Oxygen

It's such a shame she didn't say yes 
Melancholy waves of sadness rolled over me
The pretty girl with blue eyes went on staring blankly into the computer screen 
I asked her out to no avail although we chatted 

She said she didn't like boat parties 
they just weren't her thing 
oh well another polite rejection 

when I looked up deep into her eyes 
I saw she was almost tempted to say yes 
to take a chance on a menace of a man
i would've been so happy if she did 
you know say yes 

But in the end she didn't 
i quickly excused myself 
so i could hyperventilate in private 
in the library bathroom before regaining my composure 
and the remnants of my self-esteem

Thankfully I didn't feel to bad, happy even!

Try as I may and i did try i couldn't for the life of me
wrestle the beloved from the lofty windswept heights of adoration 
I thought how lonely it must be for her 
Up so high looking down on us mere mortals 
with our creaking limbs and flawed personalities 

I decided to go for a walk to shake 
off my feelings of mild despair and existential angst 
Not long into my pointless wandering 
I felt deeply depressed 
It wasn't the girls fault she was ever so tender at saying
No... to me     It was just my natural dissposition 
In a way I was glad I wouldn't have to inflict myself on her
Like a mad juggler grasping at straws to entertain her on a mad tug boat 
what a bloody disaster of a thought

Perhaps why it stung so badly but only for mere seconds was 
because it felt like my very spirit not to mention my decrepit body
had been weighed, judged and simply dismissed as superflourous 
With the ease of a seasoned bureaucrat she continued typing 
after our exchange

While I gasped for oxygen in a room with no sound
Then quickly resolved to buy some new sandals 
To take my mind off my triumphant failure 
As my feet sometimes do get sweaty laughs
Anyway at least I wasn't a coward or lacking a man's backbone 
And she was so close to saying yes I could feel it 
on the tip of her serpents tongue 
I would've died of happiness 
had she uttered those sweet perfumed words 

As i left her in peace to continue the secure monotony of her work 
marketing or something rather boring 
She flicked her hair out with both hands
I laughed to myself perhaps I disgusted her 
Oh how the lover usually has that sort of feeling on the beloved 

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Some quotes I found earlier in the day:

Love – By a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker. – By Author Unknown

The very first person you think about when you wake up that’s who your heart belongs to.

Love is like an hour glass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. – By Jules Renord

Love is metaphysical gravity. – By R. Buckminster Fuller

Love is when you can be your true self with someone, and you only want to be

Love unlocks doors and opens windows that weren’t even there before. – By Mignon McLaughlin, The 

Second Neurotic’s Notebook, 1966

A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous. – By Ingrid Bergman

Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and fans the bonfire. – By Francois Duc de La Rochefoucauld

You have touched my heart in so many ways with your gentle tenderness, I am lost forever in your love. – By Shae Lynn

Without Valentine’s Day, February would be… well, January. – By Jim Gaffigan

How a Gazelle Escaped the Jaws of an Inept Lion

God I screwed up and it’s the worst feeling. But sometimes you have to embrace your failures and not beat yourself up. I’ll tell you exactly what happened if you’re bored and want to escape the drudgery of your life. I’d headed into town to study at the local University. For some reason I changed places mixing it up from where I usually holed up to study. I guess I just wasn’t feeling the overcrowded humdrum of Auckland’s general library. That’s when I peered through a dirty window pane and what did I see but the most beautiful blonde headed woman you have ever seen. Her hair was the striking type of blonde you couldn’t buy off a poorly stocked supermarket shelf, she must’ve had roots in a Scandinavian country. As if guided like a puppet on a string devoid of free will I flew around the corner and took up a new residence in the new study room I had neglected all year. I set up a makeshift camp a few desks down from her trying to stealthy meld into the grey desk in front of me. 

There was not a distinguishing sound to be heard in the silent study room. Well except for my young heart drumming away at 180 bpm outside my body. It was as if my whole body groaned in worship at the feet of this flawless feminine figure. I was overcome and lost in crashing waves of love, desperately trying to swim toward solid land. However, as soon as my feet touched the soft sand of normality my vision became impaired as all I could see was perfectly tanned skin. In my watery delirium I had failed to realize the Scandinavian nymph had taken off her grey greenish blue hand knitted jersey exposing her toned rail thin dreamlike arms with a sprinkling of light freckles to my surprise. Having been cursed with a million freckles myself the speckled quality of her skin was almost too much. If anything I imagined she could understand me more. Her top was a light peach colour and her bra from what I saw was encrusted with lace while on her feet were pink laced purple sneakers worn from copious amounts of exercise. I almost don’t want to mention it but her glutus maximus was tightly clutched in black unbranded yoga pants. The way she also sat on her chair heavily accentuated the womanly curve of her hips and fullness of her ample rump. Blaring blue tie-die eyes shone forth from her head complimented by kind and caring features of nose and mouth that spoke of a rare and caring nature. All up the mere sight of such a woman could turn any man’s blood to boil without end perhaps even overcoming death itself. Even if the lowest fool locked eyes on this rare emerald diligently studying they would have diverted their eyes in fear. The great Michelangelo himself would have most certainly failed to carve her likeness into the finest of marble rock, the gods themselves being angered at such an act of hubris.

After recovering all of my senses like Perseus stoned before the treachery of Medusa I gathered all my wits and cunning education at my disposal and with Athena goddess of wisdom helping hand I drafted a fatal note to take this great beast down. Note in hand as she was leaving the room I earnestly prepared to attack and give this she-devil my note laced with poison and charms. However, instead of working the note recoiled in my hand sticking to my palm and burning my sensitive skin. In an instant my prey raced past me untouched and unhindered. Despair washed over me as I valiantly tried to fight the feeling that I was way out of my league. My comfort zone was lost in the land of the living while I teetered on the edge of distant realms where mortal and gods mingle and meet. To recover my spirits and return to the land of the living a retired and rekindled my body with a brief and light meal of cheese and bread, in which 'all enjoyed an equal share' although I ate alone. 

My self-respect, ego, masculinity all were bruised and damaged. I then rationalized to myself that the Gods may have sent me a blessing for surely the note was destined for disaster and not inevitable victory. How could a mortal a man ensnare the intoxicating image of Aphrodite herself with a hastily written note in a foreign mortal language? I then recalled a past calamity that had beset myself under similar circumstances. Years ago I had the arrogant audacity to hand deliver a cat card of all items to a woman. At the time it sounded and felt like a brilliant idea with a bulletproof chance of success. Oh how wrong I had been! As the girl who I had offered my entreaties of passion would turn and stare and mock me with her eyes and whisper hurtful comments to friends under her breath about me. If one could hate a woman this other woman I despised because I still desired her. Despite the fact that the cat-card woman had the most painful voice that made the high-pitched sound of nails scratching down a chalkboard sound appealing. I thought it rather funny how I would see her who had had jilted me with such marked satisfaction every now and then between large intervals at university. Evidenced by her face many years later she still found my failure a memorable episode worth remembering causing her to fall into uncontrollable fits of laughter as i walked past her. 

Thankfully many moons ago I had made the decision that it was better to remembered while incurring the burden of failure than being quickly forgotten without memory. However, this whole bad re-run had me smarter and less inclined to wander into the dangerous line of fire ill prepared. Still compared to the cat-card woman I came out by far the victor in the long run as puzzling it would’ve seemed to me at the time. This was due to the fact her boyfriend looked like under educated Gorilla who was obviously dim-witted and remarkably stupid. Even if it was to my own annoyance that the girl wedded to this monster still induced feelings of admiration and love in me at the mere sight of her complexion. I wonder if she ever realized how much more I could have loved her, how our souls may have danced together in a flaming celebration of existence, endless cat-cards raining down from the sky.

After recuperating after my meal I returned to my seat in the ornate study room. To my surprise the blonde girl was still to my side not far from me. To my unabashed surprise she even cast her eyes upon me looking at me with unnerving desire. I mentally slapped myself for not washing my hair that day. How I prayed to the God that the petite blonde was not just quizzically looking at my unkempt hair. To my dismay I hesitated in giving the blonde my note but knew it was a rather crap idea to win a woman of such quality with so little effort, it was utter madness, plus I preferred a long and drawn out hunt, and it was never a good idea to ruin your chances as soon as the quarry had been spotted in a murky concrete jungle. This didn’t stop me racing after her as she left the room. Thankfully I thought it best to let this jumping gazelle enjoy another day of life. This inept hunter of a lion was quite happy to try again, or even meet the same prey under more favourable conditions which just so happened to occur as fate would have it. Indeed the sparkling dragon would be slayed eventually.

Why are adult love relationships so hard?

Why are adult love relationships so hard?

I think they are hard because they are dependent
on virtue to have a long-lasting and fulfilling one.
Aristotle himself believed that only when two virtuous
people meet can they have a successful and happy
relationship, this is true of love and friendship.

What then follows from this finding is that virtue although
in off itself a great good, also delivers a pivotal end being 
long-lasting and happy relationships for human beings.
This in many ways accounts for why the virtuous flourish
and achieve eudiamonia, while others don’t.

If Aristotle is correct the core reason for having a relationship
will be not to enjoy anothers wealth or good looks but to share
in each others virtues and increase our virtue and our partner theirs
from our shared contact and connection.

So it seems like flowers that never flourish and bloom in isolation, 

humanity also needs friends and lovers of a virtuous nature to share life

and experience with and only through long-lasting relationships 

can the good life be achieved by virtuous people and not persons.

My heart only sings for you

My heart only sings for you 

So what on earth should I  do 
give in give up 
breakdown or shut up
and wait 
I guess I'll choose to wait 
How long will I last
I just don't know 
I guess

Until I see your rosy face 
that lightens up my dull dreary day

from countless others I've turned away
turned away turned away 
but with you with you 
I want to stay
See I know you could never love someone as dumb as me

my racing heart keeps chasing thieves

But if you oh if you you did I would forever return your affection 
even when I'm grey old and dying or at least till I'm forty years old 

Your a gal of the finest stock with nimble hair and flaring locks

Oh how much courage does a man need 
 to overcome this harsh life knock after knock
Nevermind my harmless heart falls victim everytime

Perhaps you are the one then again maybe your not 
To fill in the chipped cracks in this rotten soft spot 

But when is it that my heart races most madly?

You send my heart racing 
even though I don't quite 
know your name 

You send my heart racing 
despite the fact I asked you out 
and you said no

You send my heart racing 
because you speak to me in
a rustic second language 

You send my heart racing 
because your so prim and proper 
while i'm a dishevelled mess 

You send my heart racing 
like a beam of light bouncing 
off the face of a pretty girl 

But when is it that my heart races most madly?

Whenever
I dive deep down into
your mesmerising crystal
blue eyes
Overcome with the sublime
intoxicated
feeling of love
that only 
bi-polar allows 

A Crush at the Beach

A Crush at the Beach By Moss

Everyone has their own fleeting
lighthearted crush at the beach
from rock hard abs to pretty feet
Except for romantics they always have two 

On occasion when I visit the beach
In the blistering height of summer
I like to swim on-top of the surf
Far out at sea bobbing in the cool water 

I see supple woman enticing tortured married men
on the shore with hourglass figures and jumbling auburn hair
I laugh as Husbands eyeballs come loose falling out of their heads 

like stunned mullets they grope around in the sand with deep-seated lust 

After coming in from the sea after getting cold
I shake off the remaining blue water clinging to my pale white chest

To my right I see a Scandinavian girl with a full figure
She reels me in like a stuck fish in a net
I throw a glance her way causing her to laugh with mirth
Then I clumsily scatter seashells in embarrassment
with my awkward clumsy limbs 

As I lose track in the mind-addling sun
The One I have been waiting on finally appears
like a vision of love she washes up gently
on the sweet pebbly beach up north 

In shocked as she begins to sunbath topless
Why not she's the queen of the seas
free the nipple
the unmatched glory of a watery kingdom
baking in the sun
While the ocean teems with uncensored aquatic life 

Her short brunette hair draws you
Until your almost drowning in her deep green eyes
The depth of which is over a thousand fathoms deep

Swift-footed Love Ad infinitum

I Guess You Never Really Knew

Our life together once in bloom

finished short in the throes of eternal youth

Both hearts once filled with bubbling champagne in crystal flutes 

Until love gave up broken ruined spilling across the kitchen table we fucked on 

I grabbed your hands you kissed my lips 

under milky stars flickering in and out we became one 

you opened your mouth i clutched your side

I held your face and watched dark tears streaming down

The pain the misery the heartbreak the sinister depression 

How you fell out of love slicing my soul to tangled ribbons

I thought honey if that's true I guess you never really knew

How out of control with manic flaming love like a raging fire I existed purely for you  

Too many times I sacrificed to gods devils with powers unknown to hold your favour 

Oh how my whole world came crashing down when I lost your smoky voice in my darkest hour 

For years I searched in vain for a silver lining to easy the lonely bumpy road

It's ok I hope your happy curled up in some Burgoise home with a man I could never be 

Some stand up bloke with a well paid steady job tidy room fair skin quiet eyes funny jokes

I can see him smiling at you the way I use too then falling asleep like a sleepy spoon

Just promise me this baby don't forget you loved me too 

Remember you loved me too remember that summer just me and you 

When I made love to you then you whispered In my ear I wished the world could stand still 

Don't forget how we fucked it was beautiful that windless summer night just me and you 

When I made love to you and you gripped me tight and the universe stood still 

Blurry Bittersweet Memories and Rude People

Some people are so predictable. They think they no more than everyone else and have this whole life thing figured out. They're the passive aggressive type in a good secure job with a painful personality unable to attract anyone's of quaility. They pretend to be your friends when secretly they hate you and want to be living a life far different to their own. Like lepers they lament their drudgerous lot in life while at the same time they feign love for their many painful pursuits.

At a party I recently attended, there was such a horrendous description. I had never meet them in my life and they didn't bother for a second to introduce themselves. In a mad high voice they proceeded to talk to the people I was sitting and chatting with offering meaningless chit chat and unwanted lip service. Sometimes I wonder who raises such bratish human beings so devoid of manners and politeness. Sure we all have our faults but should always make the effort to be courtesy and do right by others as much as we can. Depending on how you treat others sooner or later the circles you move in will either be more enticing or stale depending on your character traits. One when was ready should do their best to shed off as many trivial boring and insufferable aquantancies and old high school friends. One shouldn't waste to much time energy or tears filling up the dead empty containers of persons with your own limited supply of empathy and love ❤️ Family should always take precedent over friends in my opinion too.

Well since this post is already a bit of a moan I'd also like to address something that has been heavy like a thousand gold talents weighin on my mind. This problem actually caused me a great deal of discomfort and triggered off residual pain like a terrible wound. My mother recently bumped into the Father of someone I use to hold very dear to my heart, in a way I still do, but nothing like the affections I once shared for this person. Although I had no interest in knowing about this person I found out they were working in government and had a string of partners and failed love relationships since we parted. In a way this saddened me deeply, as an extremely emotional person I felt rather melancholy.  I already knew this person had moved on and didn't begrudge them as I had too though still suffering from bloody heartbreak. When I found out the news about this person it was as if a vital piece of my heart had slowly died or stopped working, unable to pump oxygenated blood around my body causing a temporary depression. After mulling this over for a couple of days I slowly recovered and rejoined the present world and stopped being dragged into my past universe inhabitated with unimaginable conflicts, malicious spirits and frenzied poltergeist.

Once I had fully recovered and obtained command over my freewheeling and vivid mind I became stoically glad to have felt the pain that was first given to me early on in life. As a young child I had always been different and suffered from low moods and dreadful pain unknown by most for whatever reason I shall never know. However through my reflections on this person who more than a deeply uncaring person was a wounded child I knew in my heart that we were simply incompatiable. I being a caring loving person who is naturally supportive and kind-hearted should avoid being with someone  who is hellbent on destroy any happiness that walks toward them on wilting and ugly knees. My self-esteem reduced to a negligent entity was an unexceptable cause of such a poorly matched union. No instead I was made for much grander things and to be loved equally if not more than as much as I could give to a happy and loving partner. I thought to myself; "In the end it must be so that selfishness begets gross unhappiness. Pain brings forth everlasting joy and past love must remain forever locked away and abandoned in the past, left to die in solitude under the trees of love sprawled out across rolling hills in blurry bittersweet memories".

Champions of Love

champions of love         buckle on your armour       and march to the front
Where the brave           Win Glory and the weak    lose their lives
With bronze spears        fierce arms and the        sweet favour of Gods
They fight for love         without hate                desiring least wars gold
drunk on wine             and beautiful woman      queens virgins and whores
Until their own           death spectre appears      faster than swift horses
Guided by Zeus          heroes falling like toys       their hearts bleeding out      
drowning rivers            leveling land                   dripping crimson on sand
Shrouded in dust         irreversible war             Arrows ripping through flesh         
morning                         night                             and noon
Champions of love         Without the Gods           by your side
You will plummet          headlong face-down         in the nourishing earth

  
       

Resuscitation (poem)

As life ebbs from my lungs 

would you resuscitate me in time 

to save my body and brain function

would you choose to bring me back to life

or decide to let me drop soaring through the sky

As my body lay dying    my mind    would   race 
navigating over mist covered mountains   without you
stuck fast in  winter snow  

Or perhaps I would find myself cast-adrift in unrelenting seas

buried in a deep watery grave without one single chance of being found

If that were so there would be no final farewell for us my love

In my still heart I would falter having no remote desire to survive 

without your arms shooting whistling arrows by my side 

Only you would remember the holy prophecy of love

tattooed on each others swollen hearts as if stung by bees

chiseled in the finest inks mixing our blood into crying magenta  

Quick run fast over land held tight by dangerous enemies hands  

For death may swoop upon us from motley grey coloured hills

like a hungry lion starved covered in blood splattered gore

One of us destined to die the other to carry the gift of a curse that is long life 

Whilst the weaker of the two is unceremoniously dispatched and robbed like hay cut short 
under the sweeping blow of a sharpened sickle in the clash of ringing war 

Pangs of a Poetess

Pangs of a poetess
Afraid to love
With broken words
and fragmented sentences
She hated herself 

Always choosing a simile
Over a smile
How all her words came out wrong
In a rebellious rage
She aimed to dominate
all her ideas upon a page 

But it was useless
To no avail
How could a true poet
Give up on the quest for love? 

For somewhere
Out there
In treacherous lands
A future beloved
could be heard
singing her name 

Travelling miles
dreaming of little else
carrying only
A passionate desire
to love her
some how

A Death in my Circle I lost my kind hearted friend Katie Oh

wow sad day throwing some dirt on my friends coffin not even 30 years old and they've past on. Makes you think about all the things you take for granted. While also fighting the want to turn the clock back and try to help them cause you never knew how much they needed you. Feeling melancholy cause you know the happy days and memories shared with that same person living and breathing less than a week ago are limited to the past tense. Your heart kind of cracks a little because you'll never be able to tell that person how much you loved them. It's so awful when you've treated someone like a family member but instead of them letting you help them they push you away and in the process they lose their personal battle with their demons and succumb all alone and die. You don't really get a second chance to save a life and you can't help but feel they had so much more to offer the world. My friend dying has me stronger and even more focused to chase my dreams, work hard and push on enjoying all the beautiful moments and things in life in their memory. Even if you would've wanted more than anything to have shared your journey in this world with them a little longer. Good bye for now Katie

we were all lucky to survive the testing depths of winter this year

She wears her hair short flicked back behind her ears.
Protruding cheek bones leap out at you as she offers one
and all kindhearted smiles. With a neck as fragile as 
a tree branch resting softly on the forest floor, i spy her
across the library populated by students hooked up
to worn out computers tired from furthering their 
education. Oh what i would give to be an anointed
member of her clan a trusted confidante in her circle
of friends, but alas I am an outcast who is far too awkward.
Lying back relaxed on her broken blue swivel chair
she hums a simple melody on a chair that can't be lowered
due to some moron breaking it. A silent muted
silence hangs in the air as the conversation with her 
friends falters. The love idols mind seems to wander alone
lonely in a far-flung desert of past romances, she turns to
her side and drapes a book of her thin shaved legs.
Intently she peers down at a biology book trying to extract 
every morsel of information from the text for a looming exam.
She has always tried hard to avoid the onslaught of 
boredom and maintain her healthy grades. 
The gift of a person of high intellect like her is their
innate ability to entertain themselves. I laugh to myself
recalling how smarter people have less course 
or desire for physical activity as they have countless 
things they would rather do than kick rugby balls 
or tone their legs. As if in a stupor I wonder who this bedazzling girl
is, do her parents love her? is she an orphan? what things
bring her joy or sorrow?

If she was a coffee she would surely be a short black 
with no milk, strong like a kick from a mule with an exuberant
amount of caffeine. Yes a petite ever satisfying short black
describes this woman perfectly, her hair darker than midnight 
dancing upon a ravens wing in mid-flight. Again the cold windswept 
morning threatens to infiltrate the walls and windows around me
they hiss and shudder like a dying mans body. 
Thankfully Winter has passed and now the flowers blossom and bloom
eager buds open up like a caterpillars cocoons revealing their
beautiful butterfly petals. On reflection we were all lucky to survive the testing depths
of winter this year, many didn't. My meandering thoughts are soon
overcome and my interests suddenly  float back to the work
at hand before my last thought vanishes I think to myself
"why do i bother wasting my time on intellectual pursuits 
when woman are so infinitely more rewarding?"
  

i wish i could fall asleep in a sky full of pillows with you by my side drunk on last nights purple rain

i wish i could fall asleep in
a sky full of pillows
with you by my side
drunk on last nights
purple rain
slumbering and snoring
while still wide awake
i would rise from the depths of illusion
in the middle of the night
to check upon you
the object of my desire
my love personfied in womanly form
I would caress your angular face
with my own
make sure you were still soft and as supple
as i remembered
finding tension in your neck
I would massage your shoulders
a token of helpless love
with no recompense necessary
let alone asked for
gently resting
I would smile like a hyena
your body undressed
like the flesh of a kill
with more curves than a Greek bronze statue
i would greedily run my hand down the side
of your body above your beating heart
until suddenly hit by a bolt of pure inspiration
I would traverse rocking oceans finally
resting my right palm across your flank
the battle of all 3 parts of my soul complete
reason buckling and swaying seduced by vice
I would grip your round excess in the tendons of my fingers
like a wild and reckless matador
overcome by the cries of the crowd
shining with allsorted coloured beads
drapped in blood
I would dutifully kiss your milk white forehead
and sing inaudible sonatas played on stringless violins into your ears
Like an aged man
Only then would I return to Apollo and his realm of dreams
dancing in fantasy and de-constructing my own insanity
Finally I would then resign to the cracks of destiny and fate
crawling underneath stone
intoxicated by the Dionysian vision
that Aphrodite is mine