Blurry Bittersweet Memories and Rude People

Some people are so predictable. They think they no more than everyone else and have this whole life thing figured out. They're the passive aggressive type in a good secure job with a painful personality unable to attract anyone's of quaility. They pretend to be your friends when secretly they hate you and want to be living a life far different to their own. Like lepers they lament their drudgerous lot in life while at the same time they feign love for their many painful pursuits.

At a party I recently attended, there was such a horrendous description. I had never meet them in my life and they didn't bother for a second to introduce themselves. In a mad high voice they proceeded to talk to the people I was sitting and chatting with offering meaningless chit chat and unwanted lip service. Sometimes I wonder who raises such bratish human beings so devoid of manners and politeness. Sure we all have our faults but should always make the effort to be courtesy and do right by others as much as we can. Depending on how you treat others sooner or later the circles you move in will either be more enticing or stale depending on your character traits. One when was ready should do their best to shed off as many trivial boring and insufferable aquantancies and old high school friends. One shouldn't waste to much time energy or tears filling up the dead empty containers of persons with your own limited supply of empathy and love ❤️ Family should always take precedent over friends in my opinion too.

Well since this post is already a bit of a moan I'd also like to address something that has been heavy like a thousand gold talents weighin on my mind. This problem actually caused me a great deal of discomfort and triggered off residual pain like a terrible wound. My mother recently bumped into the Father of someone I use to hold very dear to my heart, in a way I still do, but nothing like the affections I once shared for this person. Although I had no interest in knowing about this person I found out they were working in government and had a string of partners and failed love relationships since we parted. In a way this saddened me deeply, as an extremely emotional person I felt rather melancholy.  I already knew this person had moved on and didn't begrudge them as I had too though still suffering from bloody heartbreak. When I found out the news about this person it was as if a vital piece of my heart had slowly died or stopped working, unable to pump oxygenated blood around my body causing a temporary depression. After mulling this over for a couple of days I slowly recovered and rejoined the present world and stopped being dragged into my past universe inhabitated with unimaginable conflicts, malicious spirits and frenzied poltergeist.

Once I had fully recovered and obtained command over my freewheeling and vivid mind I became stoically glad to have felt the pain that was first given to me early on in life. As a young child I had always been different and suffered from low moods and dreadful pain unknown by most for whatever reason I shall never know. However through my reflections on this person who more than a deeply uncaring person was a wounded child I knew in my heart that we were simply incompatiable. I being a caring loving person who is naturally supportive and kind-hearted should avoid being with someone  who is hellbent on destroy any happiness that walks toward them on wilting and ugly knees. My self-esteem reduced to a negligent entity was an unexceptable cause of such a poorly matched union. No instead I was made for much grander things and to be loved equally if not more than as much as I could give to a happy and loving partner. I thought to myself; "In the end it must be so that selfishness begets gross unhappiness. Pain brings forth everlasting joy and past love must remain forever locked away and abandoned in the past, left to die in solitude under the trees of love sprawled out across rolling hills in blurry bittersweet memories".

we were all lucky to survive the testing depths of winter this year

She wears her hair short flicked back behind her ears.
Protruding cheek bones leap out at you as she offers one
and all kindhearted smiles. With a neck as fragile as 
a tree branch resting softly on the forest floor, i spy her
across the library populated by students hooked up
to worn out computers tired from furthering their 
education. Oh what i would give to be an anointed
member of her clan a trusted confidante in her circle
of friends, but alas I am an outcast who is far too awkward.
Lying back relaxed on her broken blue swivel chair
she hums a simple melody on a chair that can't be lowered
due to some moron breaking it. A silent muted
silence hangs in the air as the conversation with her 
friends falters. The love idols mind seems to wander alone
lonely in a far-flung desert of past romances, she turns to
her side and drapes a book of her thin shaved legs.
Intently she peers down at a biology book trying to extract 
every morsel of information from the text for a looming exam.
She has always tried hard to avoid the onslaught of 
boredom and maintain her healthy grades. 
The gift of a person of high intellect like her is their
innate ability to entertain themselves. I laugh to myself
recalling how smarter people have less course 
or desire for physical activity as they have countless 
things they would rather do than kick rugby balls 
or tone their legs. As if in a stupor I wonder who this bedazzling girl
is, do her parents love her? is she an orphan? what things
bring her joy or sorrow?

If she was a coffee she would surely be a short black 
with no milk, strong like a kick from a mule with an exuberant
amount of caffeine. Yes a petite ever satisfying short black
describes this woman perfectly, her hair darker than midnight 
dancing upon a ravens wing in mid-flight. Again the cold windswept 
morning threatens to infiltrate the walls and windows around me
they hiss and shudder like a dying mans body. 
Thankfully Winter has passed and now the flowers blossom and bloom
eager buds open up like a caterpillars cocoons revealing their
beautiful butterfly petals. On reflection we were all lucky to survive the testing depths
of winter this year, many didn't. My meandering thoughts are soon
overcome and my interests suddenly  float back to the work
at hand before my last thought vanishes I think to myself
"why do i bother wasting my time on intellectual pursuits 
when woman are so infinitely more rewarding?"