I Guess You Never Really Knew

Our life together once in bloom

finished short in the throes of eternal youth

Both hearts once filled with bubbling champagne in crystal flutes 

Until love gave up broken ruined spilling across the kitchen table we fucked on 

I grabbed your hands you kissed my lips 

under milky stars flickering in and out we became one 

you opened your mouth i clutched your side

I held your face and watched dark tears streaming down

The pain the misery the heartbreak the sinister depression 

How you fell out of love slicing my soul to tangled ribbons

I thought honey if that's true I guess you never really knew

How out of control with manic flaming love like a raging fire I existed purely for you  

Too many times I sacrificed to gods devils with powers unknown to hold your favour 

Oh how my whole world came crashing down when I lost your smoky voice in my darkest hour 

For years I searched in vain for a silver lining to easy the lonely bumpy road

It's ok I hope your happy curled up in some Burgoise home with a man I could never be 

Some stand up bloke with a well paid steady job tidy room fair skin quiet eyes funny jokes

I can see him smiling at you the way I use too then falling asleep like a sleepy spoon

Just promise me this baby don't forget you loved me too 

Remember you loved me too remember that summer just me and you 

When I made love to you then you whispered In my ear I wished the world could stand still 

Don't forget how we fucked it was beautiful that windless summer night just me and you 

When I made love to you and you gripped me tight and the universe stood still 

Tourettes on his "Childhood" a song from Dead Dogs Dance

Tourettes - ChildHood

 when i was young my parents used to lie to me a lot
my mother once told me the water from the hot tap was poisonous 

on another occasion
my father said the sound of the waves breaking was a Taniwha
now i have a reckless imagination

my folks were working class hippies
which meant we ate organic granny smith apples
but it was ok to swear at the television
there was always a pack of dogs in our house
all of which my mother had composed songs for
my father smoked weed and played scrabble with local madmen
sometimes he'd sit for hours without speaking and then suddenly say something like Reconbockulating and refuse to elaborate
for a few months to rebel my sister became a born again Christian
and i was forbidden to eat mc Donald's or watch the A team
so i survived on Volgels bread and Easten European coming of age films
its funny how everyone thinks their normal

at age 7 my heros were Arnold schwarzenegger , Elvis Presley and the Velvet Underground
the boogieman was Robert Muldon
at gay fawkes we'd burn crude effigies of him in screaming bonfires
i remember protests
against the springbok tour
against Rogernomics
against nuclear testing
carnivals of desperate rage 
parading down queen street
amongst this unrest 
the rainbow warrior came to town
i had imagined something majestic
after all it was going save us from nuclear holocaust
but it was just a big green boat
and then some french spies blew it up
i had the same name as one of the agents 

at my primary school
the decal rating was so low it had a decibel point in front of it
once the mayor came to talk to the school 
we all sat on the field
while she gave her speech two dogs started fucking behind her
and this says all you need to know about Grey Lynn primary

everybody in the neighborhood was fluent in violence
they spoke it at school, the teachers to the students the parents to the teachers the students to me
my mother would scream it at us in the bath waving wooden spoons and plastic sandals
my father would mutter it throwing toys and televisions out onto the road
the older kids would hiss it in the streets after dark
to this day i understand the language perfectly but cant speak a word of it to save myself

my mother believed we wouldn't live to grow up
that nuclear bombs would rain down on us out any second
so she let us run wild in the sewers beneath our street
high on brown sugar and nightmares
it was the 80's things were different then

when i was young
it seemed like everything was crazy.
now I'm older i know that it is.

credits

from Dead Dogs Dance, released 31 October 2013
Poem - Tourettes
Beat - Scratch 22