Captain wears shorts to a Nightclub - Friday Night Escapades

After being denied entry into Roxy club because Abhinaw was wearing shorts, finding the last open bathroom for Kims before he wet his pants at Sals pizza, Anniruth busting his ankle on the dance floor at Havana Joes, Boomin trying to emotionally blackmail into drinking his last Woodstock on Queen street and to top it all of being forced to attend a gig by myself at Casette 9 because the guys would under no circumstances pay a door charge hahaha not inspite of but because of all these crazy things we had a very fun and memorable night on the town in Auckland! 

No Time To Wait In Line

By Moss at Verona on K road

I walked into Verona past the polynesian bartender making idle chit chat with a flame haired broad. She was guarding her icy beers with a watchful eye, they stood like identical twins languishing on the wooden bar. One of the glasses looked slightly shorter as it had been drunk from more. I wondered where the woman's partner had gone, the unknown mans thirst only partially quenched. Upbeat music was being played by a worn out dj propped up on energy drinks. He was fast approaching the end of his poorly attended set. I couldn't place the dj's ethnicity but he looked pleasant enough spinning his last lovesick song of the night. Outside the windows open at the front of the bar framed the drunken passerby's walking some happy, some beautiful, some lost deep in thought. Cruising to the back of the restaurant i found the loo hidden behind a heavily posted corner wall. The stall was remarkably clean, smelling of pine woods yet to be defiled. I was glad my gamble had paid off. Struck with bored inspiration I had ditched the line queuing up at Neck of the Woods. All the ravers on ecstasy or rat poison had suddenly needed to relieve themselves of the excessive amounts of water they had been drinking. I was rather glad not to be one of them as the toilet line was sprawling out for miles like the great wall of china. In a cunning ploy I had torn up the dimly lit stairs in my dark leather boots to get some fresh air. I then wandered down K rd walking slightly faster than usual and was rewarded with a vacant restroom awaiting my arrival. Sometimes things just pan out the way you planned them and it's a glorious feeling.

Stupid Decisions

A Wedding a Bouquet and a Second Marriage

My sister caught the weathered bouquet at my fathers second wedding. 

She smiled with glee as she proudly won the assortment of red and white

roses. The laughing sunlight perfectly reflected the ridiculous nature of the occasion.

My Dad was head over heels at the ripe old age of sixty-three. It was funny to see

him tumbling down and falling in love again and again.Thank god he had recovered

from his grief of losing our mother. His loving heart had found another to satisfy

his real need to be loved, he was unhappy otherwise.

On the other side of the dance floor I saw my younger sister fawning over her new

boyfriend. She was staring deep into this eyes, her head a buzz of serotonin and 

dopamine. Of all the men she had brought home to meet the family this one took

the cake by a country mile. He reeked of garlic had a stupid crooked nose and worked

at some random sewage plant. In many ways he wasn't dissimilar to Homer Simpson

except infinitely more unlikeable. Thankfully he was slightly more intelligent than the Simpson patriarch, a lesser intellect than Homer in the family would be very hard to stomach. If you could imagine a skunk run over and served up on a plate of garlic 

your almost halfway toward realising what the new boyfriend smelt like. 

I despised the man but accepted him purely for my sisters sake. I couldn't bear

to see any of my family members unhappy so I always tried my best not to judge

what made them happy. 

Even Dad's new bimbo of a wife had her good points all you had to do was block

out her gargantuan plastic tits. Dad sure was happy bless the old sod. In stark contrast

I was feeling a bit flat so I got up and stretched my rusty limbs out. Then I haphazardly

wandered over to the green punch bowl in my new pinstripe pants that coiled too tightly

around my legs like black snakes. I still couldn't quite bring myself to join a gym. 

Mildly irritated and half-drunk the raucous sounds of the wedding really started

to grate on my nerves. Next thing you know the bloody folk band starts up, God I hated

Dad's taste in music. I imagined getting a mega-phone out and screaming at the

top of the lungs to play anything but what they were currently playing. 

Somehow I managed to withhold the urge to kick the lead singer in the balls. 

To steady my nerves I had a gulp of the formally non-alcoholic punch from an unused tumbler. I was glad I had spiked the punch even if it was a sin. A strong hint of white rum rippled through the fruit juice like a dangerous crocodile. I wanted to spice up the place and 

get people feeling a bit naughty. I felt slightly bad for all the unwitting alcoholics who would unknowingly be drinking away their sobriety, but I couldn't please myself and everyone too. As fast as the guilt appeared it dissolved. I raced off to the dance-floor my spirits refreshed ready to dance with the rest of the family. 

Living it up at the Mikano "Bollywood Affair"

I've been pretty social lately and had a great time at the sold event "Bollywood Affair" at Mikano last Saturday.  My friends and I got suited up for the event as it was a formal dress code which was classy in a good way. My Mum thought we looked Pulp Fiction after seeing our photo on Facebook haha.

I can't remember the last time i dusted off the old suit, must've been Abbiruth's last court appearance haha just joking. All the guys were pretty liquored up on scotch and feeling jolly. I was sticking to ginger ale like a model citizen and sober as after a while we all trooped off to the event after listening to some music and jesting banter. When we arrived a line was already starting to form so we jumped in and got all our tickets sorted and slid past the bouncer. Lucky we scored tickets online instead of getting them on the door as there were no sales on the night to be had. When we got into the place the dance-floor was already going off with Dj's slaying everyone with Indian dance music and just the right volume too not to loud but still powerful enough!

 The chandeliers in the photo were swinging, shining and sparkling and the gang was setting the dance-floor on fire with drunken grins and yelps of glee. When things started to get crazy we all pretty much split off and did our own thing mingling and chatting with punters and trying to get numbers and the like. After to many hours dancing we exited the venue but all at different times Waffles was the first to hit the road at 1am, I gaped the scenes at 2am, Abbiruth at 3:30am in the morning with Soorya and finally the last man standing on the night Abhinaw Sai rolled out the door and all the way home at 4:30am what a legend. 

Gabe and I chatting about Maths, Attending a Punk show & Partying at the Kings Arms

Last weekend my brother drove up from Wellington. I hadn't seen him in agesss and his friendly face was a sight for sore eyes. His hair had been cut short having grown out from a number one buzz cut and he looked as healthy as one can living in a flat haha. Gabe had until very recently been grappling with some serious problems in maths and physics at stage 3 inside the dungeons of Victoria University. He had driven up with his friend Gus who also flats with him and studies maths too. I was also super surprised at Gus' hair that was strikingly similar to my my niece Desdemona hair colour being coppery red.

A day or so or after they arrived Gabe was explaining how there's a blurry line between the disciplines of both "Maths and Physics saying how 'they seem to seep into each other, or collide" he also mentioned how "If you don't have enough maths, you can't really do physics at the highest level. He told it was because there are a lot of random variables in physics with a kinda of lazy good as it gets mentality prevailing. That's why I think Gabe likes Maths it's just more robust and pure as it tries to avoid flawed foundations as much as possible.

The chat with Gabe also tied into how I had been reading about the philosopher Bertrand Russell
and how as a boy he became obsessed with finding out the true foundations of maths
in-particular trigonometry. Russell wasn't satisfied with the claims of maths that took a similar
position to physics where you couldn't be absolutely certain how or why underpinning factors
were a given. Sadly for his sake Bertrand's pure maths obsession didn't cease leading to him
writing a right a mammoth of a book called the Principia Mathematica. The book took him over
9 years of 12 hour days to complete. What a jail sentence! but it could make for fun heavy reading
for Gabe if could bear to turn the pages of such a fear inducing book, hide your calculators.

After mulling over the importance/irrelevance of maths Gabe convinced me we should go out
as it was Friday night. So amongst the wind and rain we ran out into the drizzly night while
scanning online for something to do on our phones. Thankfully early in the week my friend
Temuera had messaged me about a gig happening at the Kings Arms but for some reason
I had convinced myself it was at Neck of the Woods. Probably because I really like the later
venue as some of Tem's cool friends work there. In fact the last gig we went to see saw a
fast as hell rapper from Bone Thugs 'N' Harmony preforming a secret show to hype the
Blockparty festival he was playing the next night. However, equally awe inspiring was the
gig before that I attended with Tom Scott and his musician mates going ape shit and throwing
down a rowdy ass hip hop set. I'm telling you the bass and low end of that gig was intense
plus the energy from the Auckland crowd was hyped turning the charm and enthusiasm
way up for the local muso, music meshed everyone together in a good buzz.

Anyway it finally clicked that the gig was at the Kings Arms. I had previously heard an advert
on BFM early in the week advertising a Third3ye show. My neurons made the connection that
this was the gig Tem said was happening. On route to that gig we decided to drop into another
a punk show at Obie Dobie at 300 dominion road. I got us some drinks and low and behold my old mate Ben Olsen was screaming his lungs out with his latest band Riot Carcass. His vocals were
shredding and the backing band made up of guitar, bass and drums (classic set up, tried and true) were holding down some meaty riffs with the occasional callous cymbal crash thrown in. Ben and the gang played a solid set almost nose to nose with the audience as there was not stage. The crowd consisted of some direhard music fans, other band members and random dudes. There were also people outside puffing away on death inducing cigarettes while the music from the gig leaked down for blocks which was rather funny in itself. In between bands once Ben finished Gabe and I charged outside for a bit of air and to rest the old ear drums. I just remembered before the punk gig Gabe and I had searched in vain for earplugs at the local Countdown in Mt Eden but there were none, shame on you Countdown for not stocking such a basic commodity in your overpriced shelves. Once the next band took the stage we decided to bugger off as they were a bit indie and mellow for our taste.

Out in the cold we were throwing up not literally just to get a burger or not. We foolishly settled
on Burger Fuel. I got some 10$ thing that was pretty much just a meat patty in burger bun.
I mean pretty uninspiring for the price tag, never eating their again. People say Burger fuel its not the same as it use to be but I think folks we all need to admit to ourselves that the food was
always shit even from the beginning. On a funny side note another one of my friends worked
at the Burger fuel in Mt Eden for ages and he said that under his contract he could eat a burger every shift he worked there. But apparently the rules changed so new employees didn't get a a free burger so it was just him all on his lonesome after his other co-workers had moved on cooking up these monster burgers every shift for himself while the other employees just looked on hungrily. Anyway Gabe ate some Japanese burger thing with some mad stuff inside it that just looked like deep friend onion rings, his burger looked much better than mine but still rather drab after a while we decided to leg it to the next venue just before the rain came down which was a good call, well a cheap call.

When we jumped into the fray of second mosh pit of the night after paying our
ten dollar door charge we grooved along to Bailey Wiley mid-set firing the crowd up
with a pretty electrifying and sexual music that reminded me of Beyonce lyrically, musically
and visually. Eden was djing behind her playing beats for her to sing over, I remember him
from Mt Albert Grammar he played the drums and was a real nice guy. The way Bailey moved
around on was primal and the music exceedingly dance-able. The next guys up on stage where
the headliners called Third3ye with Basil djing, beat matching and scratching behind them
on the dj decks taking over from Eden. On stage Third3ye explained to the crowd how the
show was slightly different to a normal release party. Together they had decided to preform
all their new songs live before recording them and releasing the latest record. Such a move made perfect sense to me, because the more you can play the songs the better the music is gonna be when you record it. When you kind of know the songs by instinct instead of counting bars and crap like that you can do some nice stuff. The guys started to do their thing by firstly shouting out Fuck the Police before expanding our minds with some spiritually infused eastern by way of NZ rap songs. My favourite part of the set was when one of the Mc's started talking about souls, he said their was definitely a few old souls in the building as well as some young ones it made me laugh when he made it clear that he didn't discriminate between souls! The guys new songs reminded me of Cyprus Hill and people started lighting up the ganja towards the end of the set.

Gabe was consistently up the front moshing in the crowd for the whole Third3ye set blowing off some post exam stress. I went outside into the garden area of the venue and gazed at the stars and bricks that made up the music venue tortured by loud music. My brother eventually came outside and I let him know how there had been a bit of a commotion over developers trying to pile a shit ton of apartments on the music venue. He thought it was all rather funny. I told him how Dad probably thought the business had been their for long enough that they might have bought the building and probably hated the idea of bowling the place.

It kind of surprised me to hear of people who still have a decent bone in their body choosing art and commerce over just pure commerce. But I think its probably the right decision as no one wants to get dragged into the fatalistic frenzy of the Auckland property boom this late in the second half. But lord only knows how much they would stand to make if the owners flogged the place. An image of a yuppie chasing a carrot attached to a bag full of millions rushed through my mind or something stupid. Everywhere people were smoking cigarettes i asked Gabe if he was still smoking he said nah price was to much for him now "30$ bucks for a smoke, bugger". So we just chilled with our beers watching people smoke away their money on $30 dollar cigarettes.

Crawling in a Box Propelled by Circular Legs - catching up with B1 & B2

Caught up with my good friend B1 and B2 earlier in the week. I thought there was a jazz gig happening at Orleans downtown but I got to the bar just to be told it was the day before, I couldn't believe how I could've read the poster wrong, I had specifically borrowed one from a notice wall at uni to make sure when it was, then I resigned to the fact that it was a genuine mistake bhhaaa who likes stupid jazz anywho well except Art Pepper and Coltrane.

I quickly called my friends on route to New Orleans and so we went to plan b a much better call usually every time and always far more entertaining. The guys were still crawling into the City in a metal box propelled by circular legs. So in the meantime I got a murder burger which was actually bloody great. Tourists and rough sleepers flopped around the food court in quiet resignation their excitement turned to exhaustion demanding power naps and the congestion of fast food deep fried and dangerous.

I thought back to Earlier in the week while eating my chips I was troubled by a coconut water drink I had enjoyed in a food court off Shortland st (I had foolishly chosen to eat at struck down with a colossal inner city hunger risking death life and limb to enjoy a good meal) the reason for my pondering was due to my dad telling me how Monkeys in Thailand are collecting coconuts off trees to supply the demand for the plethora of cheap coconut water drinks available in NZ! Whilst I drank the water my mind subconsciously searched for traces of monkey in the liquid the tests proved inconclusive and got transferred to my fried frontal cortex.

After I finished my walking meal ironically from the same restaurant I once picketed for firing and mis-treating their workers I moved out into the mid-autumn night. I footed down the grey scratched  street tiles heading up a flaming hill to High st and waved across the deserted square at my friends 30 metres away blatantly drinking in public near a water fountain spewing out thousands of litres of water. We talked some shit then went to get a drink at the Blue stone room, an old ass place off Queen st, outside the venue littered everywhere like drunk leaches Coporate workers drowned their fractured identities with drink after drink off wine, beer and booze, down the hatch. I ordered a black Monteiths beer, B2 choose one to and the ever smooth B1 got hard liquor on ice most likely a blend.

We had a good yarn about B3's recent trip across the ditch to Melbourne. The geezers were surprised at all the whacked out beggars, bums and junkies on the street, thankfully their hard knock host materialised and made it clear the streetwise are pretty much harmless munters. B3 talked about the amazing amount of legal highs available in Ozzy especially in club bathrooms which they thought might even be not so legal. Well sounded like they had a ripper time just one big drunken blur of debauchery just what the doc ordered. They mentioned the famous street art everywhere and the strong indie music scene with bands and venues going for it even on a Bloody Sunday. I quickly took a piss and we made like the good lord and got the flock out of the bluestone room, note to self find out why they call it that name must be about the stone walls of the building i reckon, but are they earthquake proof.

Sasquatch Party Drinking Budweiser in the Swamps of Auckland City

I had an awesome time at Rose's kick ass flat warming last night. I braved the cold wet rain to see her new digs and the place looks sick!! It's real shabby chic the best style in my opinion real cool old skool run down vibe in the best possible way do you know what I mean?  

At the party there were so many different people from all around the world UK, France, Germany, Venezuela pretty much every country still in the Rugby World Cup except for Palestine and a guy called Ari lying about actually being from overseas, you didn't fool me old chap ha

Let me paint a picture in the middle of the house was a never ending game of alcohol drenched you guessed it beer pong played with utter conviction by all soon to have convictions but this guy dude he was a virtuoso of the table of frat if I can use that word in polite light mannered way in relation to a terribly fun game like beer pong, he destroyed everyone who stepped forth to challenge him he even offered me his cigarette mid-game I politely declined!! His best moment of all the games was when he threw a ping pong ball which accidentally hit the overly large forehead off a girl and it landed in the last cup swirling around on the edge of the cup, it was like a little planet spinning haphazardly on its axis in a very ddrunk fashion before falling from grace and in a final act of Shawskahnk redemption "hi my names Andy Defresne" landing in the cup what utter swag!swag!swag!swag?

I forgot to mention I had to ran up a hill coughing and weezing, no really, to get some beers I thought hmmm why not get some Budweiser to get those old Americana vibes pumping through my veins like a full tank of petroleum gasoline fresh. But later in the night my good/annoying German friend Felix had to insult my beer choice while diagonally somersaulting into the neighbours hedge. He said to me "why are yu drink such vater berr it tastes like cats piss those bloody Americanzz" then he said something about winning the war anyway I didn't take his insults to heart cause for one reason one I stand by my taste in beer, but more importantly "the fifth amendment protects my right and ignorance to bear Budweiser in the swamps Of Auckland City" plus he was drinking someone else's long lost rancid by the looks of it very warm half drunk Tui yucckkk 

In other news I even got angrily accused of being Jesus Jesus Christ Superstar!!! well you know my friends people are really acting rather funny about my hair these days. I know its a lush unparralled piece of glory of which I am, very fortunate and appreciate to have on my head for however long I am blessed with it cue varnished 90's hair infomercial from my childhood but in all seriousness my hair is going away on a very long paid vacation to don't give a f@ck as I'm getting a hair cut very soon as Im sick of being part of the Sasquatch brigade people I want to be free free to be me. Which also reminds me off the utterly brain dead TV show about Hunting Sasquatches Bobo they don't exist go see a therapist, But Yeti's do exist if you count human ones your a shining example Bobo and don't forget in Nu Zelnd we have a whole breed of Sasquatach in society called the bogan occupying a small island off Australia connected to the mainland by a giant bridge made out of wallaby skin.

Argh finally as always my words of wisdom for the day "to much freedom is a truly terrible thing" take it how you want people And to conclude I am so sick of people asking me whether I straighten my hair arghhh For gods sake bruce almighty I don't straighten my hair, neither do i brush my hair unless it's a very formal occasion I do have manners lets not get to crazy. 

Finally finally I promise my true gem of deskilled knowledge given to me by a piper who played along the rough coast of the Taranaki peninsula last Summer you should always try to wait out the unbearable awkwardness at the start of parties were you know absolutely no one chances people are all feeling the same and also if your wingmen are crap and unreliable don't even bother word up peace out! Moss

Ellie Goudling's going strong on her new song "On My Mind" I wonder if this song is about old Calvin Harris?